just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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