So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
