We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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