do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
