Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
