This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
