: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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