I got chris browned last night
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
