I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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