Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
