my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He passed out mid-signature
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
