I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fuck appropriateness.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
