Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
