woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
