she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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