we have officially lost it.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
