Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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