I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
