My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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