i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
