Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
