Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A bitchslap is in order.
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