Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
