But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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