Define "chronic" masturbator.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
