If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
