I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
