I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
