Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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