He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
