So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
