I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
