i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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