Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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