You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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