you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
