he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
