His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
