We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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