Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
