Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
