Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
