At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
