True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
