Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
please come you make the beer taste better
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
