So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
