There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
