You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
