so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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