somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
