Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
