overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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