@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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